Would you watch it?

[luckyboi317]

So I'm a young aspiring screenwriter living in the states, I lived in Japan as a child when my dad was stationed there. I'm definetely going to write this as a fan fic but I was considering submitting it as a treatment for a spinoff series. So at the point that I'm at Ko has no ruler, my idea is that the next Korin travels to Wa and ends up heading to the states because the taika that would become the next monarch was born as the daughter of a US soldier stationed in Japan. Our protagonist is a young black artist living in the rural south with her twin gay brother. So they both go back with Korin, the brother is initially upset because he thinks they may no longer be siblings and since their mother died and their father abandoned them his sister was the only person he had in the world except it turns out they were in fact from the same ronka and they are both hanju and come from a race of mountain people with fair hair and dark skin. So a lot of the story is about the queen struggling between being a good ruler who wants the best for her people and being realistic as she tries and often fails to bring the best of our world to Ko. While it is generally believed that she was selected by the heaven because she is kind and wise beyond her years with a real chance to do away with ignorance of the past many wish to see her fail and her brother and friends help her uncover plots to sabotage her dream of a utopian Ko. One of her key successes is building a railroad and basic electricity. This story will have a little bit of a steam punk flavor.

Oh and even though it was never discussed in the show, I figured since children are born from ronka same sex couples can have kids in this world.

What do you think, would you watch it?

[luckyboi317]

I was thinking if hanjus don't have to be a mammal they would be bird hanjus most likely ravens or robins maybe cats or foxes if it had to be a mammal but I'd much prefer a bird.

[Jinx999]

Frankly, no. Based on your post, your writing skill is not yet up to the demands of this and while it's nice to see someone who realises that industrial development means less poverty, your proposed plot needs more development. You're ticking too many points in a mary sue test, for the start.

Firstly, I believe it was mentioned in the shadow of the moon novel that the Twelve Kingdoms don't have any fossil fuels, which makes sense because the world is blatantly artificial. IIRC, there was a discussion on this a while back. This doesn't make industrialisation impossible, but is a very serious stumbling block. You'd also need to have a character who is either VERY VERY smart, or one swept away with several advanced engineering and physics textbooks.

Second, your characters need to be toned down. Being a Gaijin, Hanjyuu, monarach, kind and wise beyond her years Kaiyakuu Inventor is SERIOUS overkill and a quite blatant Mary Sue. Frankly, a monarch wouldn't have the spare time to also be an inventor and the rest is about every possible combined variety of exotic character in the setting, combined with the central Mary Sue trait of being obnoxiously perfect. You'd be far better off being less ambitous. Your central character should NEVER be "youself, as you dream of being".

Thirdly, the Twelve Kingdoms doesn't HAVE races. The children don't resemble their parents and could have a wide variety of skin , hair and eye colours, irrespective of what their parents looked like.

[luckyboi317]

Actually I guess I didn'take this clear enough but the idea was she either found kikyaku engineers or brought one from the other world. I was thinking that she occasionally has Korin bring books back from Horai, then at one point she finds a book called " If we had it to do over again: Industrialization what worked what didn't, how we might have done it better and green possibilities for nations in the developing world." She ends up inviting the author to Ko and makes him the minister of science. She doesn't actually invent anything. Also I said steam which actually can run off wood, plus bio diesel can be run off vegetable waste. Being an artist and interested in art history I know every great revolution in history has been spurred on by the arts. Artirsts possess vision, we see the world as it could be. I made her a twin partly so I could have gay issues without you being completely slammed with them. If we believe the heavens make the.choice of ruler by what the.kingdom really needs, it would make sense to give them a queen that embodies everything they have held prejudice against in the past. Plus I grew up in Japan and as a native American in the deep south so I'm drawing on some of the folklore I learned as a child. According to Aristotle, if you want a comedy the characters should be worse than real life people, an epic the exact same as real life, a tragedy better. If I want a bit of a tragic story that really works the audience then she should be a bit better than normal like yoko started off till she slowly becomes more human.